34 Cynical Christmas Tweets That'll Get You Into That Festive Spirit

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Meeeeesh
Dec 20, 2018 6:00 PM EST

The holiday season is among us and you know what that means...time to bring out the wonderful Christmas cheer and the inevitable sass that comes with dealing with stressful family members, gift-giving, and the like!

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  • 01
    Text - Mike Ginn @shutupmikeginn The older you get the more holidays become about keeping your father off a ladder
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  • 02
    Text - dan mentos @DanMentos for the 7th year in a row, Rick Astley refuses to give his wife her favorite Pixar movie for Christmas
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  • 03
    Text - 'Ava Happy Holiday Follow @Avagardra Nativity Scenes are warhammer for grandmas
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  • 04
    Text - Sacha Fernando @sacha_is_good "I don't want a lot for Christmas." Later... "All I want for Christmas is you." EXACTLY WHAT DOES THAT DO FOR MY SELF CONFIDENCE, MARIAH.
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  • 05
    Text - Sean Leahy @thepunningman Following Me: [covered in ketchup] Santa Sauce is coming to town Wife: Stop M: Happy Hollandaise W: I'm leaving M: ..and mayo your Christmases be white
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  • 06
    Text - crappystuffforjerks @somecleverthing Follow How about, instead of saying "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holidays," everyone just shuts the f up?
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  • 07
    Text - Røb Fee Follow @robfee Worst things the parents do on Home Alone: 3. Never punish Buzz 2. Forget one of their kids 1. Try to make everyone drink milk with pizza
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  • 08
    Text - Peach Grenade Follow @peachgrenade For some reason there are ants all over my Christmas tree, from the presents at the bottom all the way up to the McRib tree topper
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  • 09
    Text - Max Miller Follow @RuinMyWeek Movie theater employee: Sir, I'm gonna need you to turn that thing off. It's distracting others. Rudolph: I JUST WANT TO ENJOY PITCH PERFECT 3 LIKE EVERYONE ELSE
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  • 10
    Text - Masic Mitch Follow @mciver_mitchell If anybody says "see you next year" to me on new years eve I'm going to avoid them for the next 365 days. Hope the joke was worth a year of friendship
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  • 11
    Text - Tim Following @Playing Dad [Jaden and Willow visit Santa] Santa: What do you kids want for Christmas? Willow: Owl Beagle hybrids Jaden: To eat oatmeal in the desert
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  • 12
    Text - kyrie kringle Follow @random_weighs Just so we're clear, The Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.
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  • 13
    Text - Lindsay (((Goldwert))) Follow @lindsaygoldwert It's beginning to look a lot like f this
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  • 14
    Text - Andrea Long Chu @theorygurl Follow if the child, having caught his mother kissing his father in a santa costume, must believe her an adulterer lest he lose the sweet illusion of santa claus, the question remains why his father, thinking his son asleep, was dressed as santa claus to begin with. in this essay i will
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  • 15
    Text - eric Follow @ericsshadow santa gently waking me] you live like this?
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  • 16
    Text - MARK LITTLE VERY GOOD Following @markmarklittle Away in a manger, no crib for a bed No couch for a bed and no bed for a bed You won't believe what the Lord's bed was that night "A nice comfy armchair?" Ha ha ha Yeah, right
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  • 17
    Text - Shane Torres Follow @shanetorres Watching a New Year's Eve countdown and all the Backstreet Boys dress like the oldest people who still work at the mall
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  • 18
    Text - Snorklhuahua Follow @weinerdog4life Any tree can be a Christmas tree if you yell at your family around it
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  • 19
    Text - regular gem @Choplogik Follow gentle reminder: although there is huge societal pressure to go out, party, and drink alcohol on New Year's Eve, it's totally valid to remain in a stone tomb, buried under the ocean floor, to be discovered by treasure hunters in 1000 years & unleashed upon the world anew
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  • 20
    Property - coyote bongwater Follow @livercake cool guys don't look at explosions
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  • 21
    Text - Max Dylan Ash Follow @mynameisntdave Twas the night before Christmas And all through the zoo Every creature was stirring It was a zoo.
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  • 22
    Text - Julius Sharpe Follow @juliussharpe Nothing like open ing Christmas gifts to remind you that the people you're closest to in the world know absolutely nothing about you.
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  • 23
    Text - Clare Terry @Clare Terry2020 Follow If ur worried ur not gonna get a New Years Eve kiss just remember the Valentines Day is in 45 days n ur probably gonna b alone for that too
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  • 24
    Text - Bandersnaaatch Follow @Bandersnaaatch Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the weather inside is frightful too. You live in a world of unending horrors. There is no escape
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  • 25
    Text - Michael @Home_Halfway Following "Hello relative. You look one year older than Christmas last year due to the progress of time. Here is your necessary gift." - Holiday talk
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  • 26
    Text - Shaun Follow @shaun_jen the message we should take from a christmas carol is that the rich realising the harm they cause and trying to be better requires magical, supernatural occurrences, and it will never happen on its own in our reality
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  • 27
    Text - Sturdy Follow @sturkmardy (inaudible) O come let us adore him (normal) O come let us adore him (screamed at top of lungs) O COME LET US ADORE HIM (perfectly normal as if nothing had just happened) Christ the lord
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  • 28
    Text - FROVSTY Follow @fro_vo my new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
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  • 29
    Text - slaughthie @slaughthie Follow Boycott kissing men at midnight. It's New Year's Eve not New Years Steve.
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  • 30
    Text - Swim Jeans Follow @ShortSleeveSuit Me: Help me out doc I have a horrible crick in my neck and I smell like farm animals Doctor: Are you sleeping in random nativity scenes again? Me [head down, sighing]: 'Tis the season
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  • 31
    Text - miel Follow @miel Ihate when people brag about their lavish Christmas gifts on Twitter!!! - Sent from my iPhone X (256 gigs)
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  • 32
    Text - The Pale Christmas Rider Follow @truegritrumble There are literally no rules saying your New Years resolutions can't be for evil.
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  • 33
    Text - Dan Cronin Follow @croninwhocares Another new year, another chance to see if I still fit into my wife's wedding dress.
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  • 34
    Text - val Follow @lionprincessval New Years resolution: exercise (my right to eat) more (tacos)
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Tags

christmas twitter new years snarky funny tweets sassy holidays family
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